1. I had a new laptop delivered today. Imagine my surprise that it was still on the front porch. I mean, a laptop? That could easily buy a few days worth of meth....or pot....or beer.....or cocaine....or acid. Regardless, it's always a nice surprise to find my mail intact. :)
2. I have new neighbors. Hooray (total sarcasm). I shouldn't start trashing these people because I don't know them. But I will go ahead and say that I tend to automatically cast in a negative light any couple who looks to be about 19 years old and has small kids. It's called birth control. And last time I checked, they handed it out freely at the health department. Too judgemental? Yeah, whatever, I don't care. Anyway.....I'm not used to hearing kids in my neighborhood of drug-addicted alcoholics and 90 year old men. But I can deal with it. I can not, however, deal with the fact that the kids apparently own no clothing and wear nothing but a diaper 24/7, or from what I can tell. There is nothing worse to me than snotty little kids wearing nothing but a diaper with juice and Cheetos all over their tiny little bodies. But apparently that is what I'm dealing with here. Not the kids fault, I know. I have observed that the parents or "teen mom" doesn't ever close the front door or the windows in the house. It's wide open. This should present a problem as Hank will for sure be sitting on their couch just as soon as he arrives home from daycare. I can't help but wonder what their drug of choice is......lord knows Hank can't handle many more addictions. Back on track, "teen mom" and "teen dad" apparently have a lot of rowdy friends. Fabulous. That is exactly what this place needed, more class to spice it up.
3. I pulled in my driveway, jumped out of my car to grab the mail, and noticed someone laying in the ditch across the street at T's house. It was T. At first, I thought he was dead....but then I heard singing and realized that he was alive and conscious. He was looking towards the sky singing.....Amazing Grace at first....and then something that sounded like The Itsy Bitsy Spider. And I can't help but think...if I lived in T's world, would I be that happy all the time? I mean, no job, no stress, drugs and alcohol at my disposal, laying in ditches singing at the top of my lungs. Just a thought.
4. Here is something you don't see everyday. Apparently T has made friends with teen mom and teen dad (which speaks volumes for their character) and is currently bonding with their diaper-only wearing children (which screams social services intervention). T has both kids in a wagon. Is he pulling them? Nope. But guess who is? T's mastiff, Misery. Yep, Misery is tied to the front of the wagon like a horse and is pulling the 2 kids in a wagon. Where, you may ask? In the field? Nope! Right smack down the middle of the road! Because anything else would just be nonsense.
5. T came over to tell me that he thought the stray dog I picked up on the side of the road a few months ago was going to have puppies. This would have been an okay observation.....but the part that took me by surprise? When T said "and I'm not the father" with the most serious of looks on his face. I wish I could elaborate on this further....but honestly, words fail me here. Your guess is as good as mine as to what this truly means. All I know is I will be holding blankie a little tighter to me in my sleep tonight....and rocking back and forth....and sucking my thumb.
6. All is quiet in my house......when suddenly I hear a weed eater just outside my window. This is slightly unnerving since I am the only one home and clearly I am not using the weed eater. So who is outside walking around my house with a weed eater? Good question. This episode felt a bit Texas Chainsaw Massacre-ish.
7. Someone keeps driving up and down the road and when they get in front of the new neighbors house, they lay on the horn. Then they go down the road, turn around, and repeat the scenario all over again. I'm a little fed up with it. But considering that I am armed with nothing but my smart mouth, I believe I will stay inside and deal with it. For tonight. But tomorrow? Someone is gonna pay.
Soooo......just a glimpse into my evening here in lovely Paradise. Thank God above for expensive alarm systems and Xanax.
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