Facebook Etiquette.....According To Me

Admit it, we all have "friends" that drive us insane.  Why do we keep them on our list of friends?  I can only guess that it is the equivalent of a train wreck....you don't want to look, but you can't look away.  These are the people that make you cringe every time you see their name come up in your facebook news feed, yet you don't want to hide their posts because you want to see what they have to say.  And I'm sure most of you don't do this....but I have no shame so I'll just go ahead and admit to it....I take screen shots of stupidity and send them to all my friends to make fun of.  Nothing is more entertaining than seeing a post that you know is a complete lie...one that is so outlandish that you almost choke.  Even better?  The pictures people post while scantily clad.  I applaud the nerve it takes you to upload a pic of yourself or your wife wearing a shirt that looks like the weed eater got a hold of it...revealing your breasts, wearing a skimpy dress, or some ridiculous swimsuit.  I applaud you by (drum roll).....taking a screen shot and sending it to all my friends, of course.  Naturally, I add captions like "did you take my shirt again without my permission" or "are you tricking again" or "what's your mom doing at the beach" or "cocaine is a hell of a drug"....the list goes on and on and I assure you gets more and more evil.  Wait......writing all of that suddenly made me very thankful that my neighbor didn't take a picture of me last week when my scrub pants fell down while I was walking across my back porch.  Those drawstrings get me every time!

Anyway, back on track, I have decided to list my facebook pet peeves.  The top ten.  I know, I know...like they matter, right?  BUT this is my blog; therefore, I set the rules.  I like to think of it as my ruling the world....because what could be better than MY very own world?  ;) 

Here we go.........

1. Taking pictures of yourself in front of a mirror.  Ok guys, we have all seen people do this.  Here is my question.....WHY?  For the love of all that is holy, do you not LOOK at the the picture?  Yeah, you are in it with a big smile on your face, your hair is all cute, and, oh look, you are wearing an adorable shirt.  And guess what else is in the picture?  Your phone up in the air pointing towards the mirror!  Did you not stop to think "this may look slightly ridiculous"?  And the posing and pouty lips?  STOP IT!  You look like a moron. 
2. Declaring your undying love for your significant other constantly.  Yeah, you love your husband....I get it.  I do.  But I know your husband and he is a jackass.  And guess what?  Most everyone else that knows your husband probably thinks he's a jackass too.  And even if he is mister wonderful?  We don't care.  It makes us nauseous.  It's the worst kind of PDA.  Seriously, get a room!
3. Pictures of dead animals.  Seriously....do I even need to explain this one?  You killed a big deer.  Fabulous.  Good for you.  And you think everyone wants to be visually assaulted by images of a massacred animal?  We don't.  See, some of us are actually animal lovers.  Yeah, yeah....I know...you are an animal lover too.  Yet you shoot them....go figure.  And your argument that "you have to thin out the deer population for the sake of the deer and for drivers everywhere"?  Well, let me throw my argument out there.  There are a whole lot of cats in this world.  Probably too many thanks to idiots that don't spay and neuter their pets.  So how about if I start killing kittens...you know, for their own good...and post the pics on facebook?  Oh, is that offensive?  What's the difference?  There isn't one.  And the argument that you are killing them for food?  Sorry, I doubt you exist solely on the meat of your kill.  Your argument is not valid here....thank you and good day.
4. Informing us of how "different" and "special" you are.  You're not.  Period. 
5. Constant YouTube uploads.  I mean, really?  Constantly?  You're bored, I understand that.  But I like you and I wish you would stop junking up my news feed with music videos every single day because it would hurt my feelings to block you.  A song that speaks to you?  Great....share it by all means.  But "Ice Ice Baby" doesn't speak to you.  And if it does, well.....my condolences on your shallow existence.  On a completely unrelated side note, I can still dance like a champ to that song. 
6. Blasting your kids school or teachers.  Unnecessary.  I have a lot of friends that are teachers.  I realize there are some bad teachers in this world.  But I think most of them are just following rules that people over their heads have put into place.  I can't stand parents that always think their kid is being victimized.  It's called discipline.  I would think teaching would be a difficult job.  I've met your kids.  I don't like them.  So I'm thinking the teachers that are putting up with them are close to reaching sainthood by now. 
7. Posting pictures that are nothing but pictures of stupid quotes written out in a pretty font.  Why?  Just why?  If you want to share a quote, please type it out yourself.  Please.  I love quotes.  I really do.  But the picture of the deer drinking from a brook?  Annoying. 
8. Games.  Need I say more?  I think I have now successfully hidden all of them.  Buy a Nintendo ds.
9. Meddling in your kids friendships, relationships, etc...and then posting about how you do it for their own good.  Ummmm.....no.  Live and learn.  I realize that I have no children.  But you look like you are trying to live through yours.  And quite frankly, there is nothing sadder. 
10. Any and everything related to the University of Kentucky.  I am throwing this out there for all of my die-hard UK fan friends.  No one bleeds blue.....blood is red, silly rabbit.  Goooooo UofL Cardinals! 

I'm definitely not trying to be offensive.  Remember....I'm writing this under the assumption that I am the queen of my own world here.  Would it be a greater world if I were queen?  Hmmm.....I don't know.  But I do know this, I would never pump my own gas or clean out my own refrigerator again!