I Love Freedom Of Speech.............

I am going to be more random than usual and just get a bunch of stuff out in the open.  Probably not all of it belongs together in one blog post.  And I'm fairly sure all of it won't be popular.  But I'm okay with that.  And it's MY blog (yay for freedom of speech!!!). 

I was off work last Thursday and Friday and this Monday.  I rarely take any time off......and apparently a couple of old hateful women at work would like me to stay away from work on a more permanent basis.  I hear that I'm "rowdy and may be a lesbian".  Rowdy = Ok, yes, I laugh a lot and it is often a party environment in my office.  I sometimes say things I shouldn't.  I sometimes yell and throw fits.  But mostly it's a big fun party.  So if that makes me rowdy......then okay, I'm rowdy.  Lesbian = Bc I refer to my best friend (who happens to be gay) as my wife and am generally okay with anyones sexual preference, apparently I am now a lesbian.  If that makes me a lesbian.....then okay, I'm a lesbian.  I am not the least bit offended by being called a rowdy lesbian.  I actually find it quite entertaining. 

So now that I have established myself as rowdy lesbian....here are the totally random things I want to spew like bile (nice analogy, huh?).

1)  To the lady at work who thinks that I am "the luckiest girl in the whole world to have a husband like Charlie" and tells me this to my face daily and especially preaches it to others when I'm off work.....this is what I want you to know should you ever read this.  You can have him.  Does that sound harsh?  Yes, probably.  And I don't mean you can literally have him.  But seriously, stop telling everyone behind my back how handsome and sweet and wonderful my husband is and that I am spoiled and don't realize what I have.  No offense to my husband, but you don't truly know people until you live with them.  And no one is perfect.  Why on earth would you even say something like that about someone elses husband?  And besides, I'm a rowdy lesbian and probably have very little interest in menfolk, remember?  Oh, and if anyone is interested, I would be willing to auction him off on eBay.....



You seriously want this man?  *shake my head*

 2)  To everyone I know that keeps preaching their views on people reading the Fifty Shades trilogy and going to see Magic Mike......this is what I have to say.  Adults can do whatever they damn well please.  You can voice your opinion.  But stop preaching at people and condemning them to hell.  Because I feel quite certain you watch things on TV that aren't exactly G-rated.  And I love the argument "if you can't/wouldn't do it in front of your kids or in front of your preacher then you have no business doing it".  Really?  I take a shower, have sex with my husband, pee, etc., and I don't do that in front of a preacher or in front of kids.....but I still do it....does that make it wrong?  Does that make your argument invalid?  And the funniest thing ever?  I've had two people preach about reading the "porn books" and one person preach about Magic Mike (which I have no desire to see, btw) that live with men they aren't married to.  Does anyone else find humor in this?  If a sin is a sin.....then shouldn't you stop "fornicating" before you preach at others about "porn"?  Check yourself and your superior, holier-than-though complex.  Just saying.....

3)  Now here is one huge gripe.....and it is purely my opinion.  Like it or not, whatever....I don't care.  Drum roll..............FACEBOOK.  Now, I rarely get on facebook anymore.  I basically just use it for pics and for the email messenger app on my IPhone.  I know I have done a blog post before about Facebook etiquette...but people are so off the chain that I feel compelled to rant about a few other things.

• Calling out your children and disciplining them on Facebook.  Ummm....really?  Really?  How seriously inappropriate.  First of all, your family business should stay IN YOUR FAMILY.  And second, how dare you embarrass your child in front of all of your Facebook friends and all of their Facebook friends.  Punish your child at home.  Don't humiliate them. 
• Inappropriate pics.  Okay, I have to bring this up because it is summer and people are way too "exposed".  I don't mind seeing pics of adults and little kids in bathing suits.  But I take issue with preteens and young teenagers in pic after pic posing in itty bitty bikinis.  I don't have an issue with anyone wearing a bikini....unless you look like me, then for the love of all that is holy, no.  But I think the Internet is an inappropriate place to post pics of your child scantily clad once they reach a certain age.  And I only say this because there are some real sickos in this world.  I just think it's a bad idea.  Little kids on the beach in bikinis?  Cute.  Fourteen-year-old girls?  Bad idea.  And to top off inappropriate pics....I have seen someone who has made their profile pic the pic of their dead baby they delivered at 20 weeks gestation.  Yep...I've seen that with my own eyes or I wouldn't believe it myself.  Horrific doesn't even begin to describe it.  Sooooo beyond inappropriate.  I think it should be a crime.
• Incessant exercise updates.  Ohmygod.  Seriously?  Run, walk, bike, swim, crawl, skip, hop, jump....whatever.  No one cares.  No one cares the mileage.  No one cares the time.  My sister may run 60 miles in a week but she doesn't post a thing.  If you are a serious athlete, then just exercise.  Don't broadcast it.  I'm not broadcasting every single time I take a sip of water and calculating it for you along with my urine output.  Jeez.  Of course, you can post whatever you want.  But people don't like looking at it....it's the equivalent of junking up my news feed with games.  So annoying.
• Money.  I have no problem with people using Facebook to collect money for charitable organizations, etc.  But don't ask people to make your car payment.  That's just plain wrong. 
• Why announce to Facebook land that you are going to be doing some "cleaning" and deleting people?  This makes no sense to me.  If you don't like someone, just delete them.  No need for the broadcast.  And if you delete them, they will never see your broadcast anyway.  So I just don't get it.  Do you really think that you are so important to people that they will instantly stop what they are doing and say "Omg!!!!.....I've just been unfriended by so-and-so".  I'm thinking that is a negative. 

4)  It makes no difference to me whether you are Republican or Democrat, heterosexual or homosexual, black or white, rich or poor, etc.  Everyone is different.  Everyone is unique.  And unique is beautiful (unless unique is wearing pj's in Wal-Mart....then beautiful wouldn't be the word I would use).  I learned a long, long time ago that it is not my place to judge anyone.  I believe humans are a way harsher judge than God.  Humans are harsh.  And just mean.  People make snide comments about things as a way of passing judgement on others and I hate that.  Unfortunately, I'm sure I've been guilty of doing that sometimes myself.  But I still hate it.  Example = I have 8 tattoos.  Yep, 8.  Bet most of you didn't know that.  Nothing makes me angrier than someone making a smart comment about my tattoos.  I like tattoos.  To me, they are a form of art and self expression and I love art.  I didn't get them on a whim as a teenager.  I got them as an adult who knew exactly what she wanted.  Quite simply, they are not on your body so it's none of your business.  I wouldn't dream of judging someone based on their sexuality or their facial piercings....so I don't get the mentality that judges people based on things they may not understand or like.  I wouldn't like my lip pierced.....but if you want yours pierced, I say go for it.  People are too uptight about things that just don't matter.  Another touchy topic?  The fact that I have enough Botox in my forehead to stop an avalanche is funny.  Make fun of me, laugh with me about it....it's hilarious.  But don't judge me.  Just be jealous that your forehead isn't as smooth as mine.....lol.



This is what laser tattoo removal looks like.  No words to describe the pain. 
When you get a tattoo, make sure you want it there forever!  This one was
my one mistake.......


Lastly......
1.  To my friends that are engaged and getting married.....I'm so happy for all of you.  (run for your life.....)
2.  To the husbands who are cheating on their wives who happen to be my friends....I'm coming for you.  (and I hope your penis rots off)
3.  To Obama.....thanks for securing my place in the unemployment line with your healthcare crap. (will you be paying for my nervous breakdown?)
4.  To my husband....get your dogs under control.  (or get out ;) )
5.  To Lori and Brandi and Jennifer....I dedicate this blog post to you.  Because you keep me sane.  (and tipsy)
6.  To Pfizer......thank you for Xanax.  (my one true love)
7.  To the person who sent me the sweetest email ever this week (you know who you are)......thank you from the bottom of my heart.  (I love you)
8.  To anyone who thinks that bad things don't happen to good, God-fearing people.....come and work in a hospital for a day.  (reality check)
9.  To the maker's of Stacy's Cinnamon Sugar Pita Chips......you are my hero.  (and the reason I need spanx)
10.  To my own personal gas fairy who still hasn't shown up.....thanks for nothing.  (bitch)

Hugs & Kisses!!!


(the rowdy lesbian)