1). Wrinkles. Ohhhh the wrinkles. I don't feel like they are out of hand...yet. Probably because I don't expose myself to sun. But there are still some there. I always expected to have wrinkles around my eyes and of course the giant forehead crevice. But the wrinkles that bother me most I never saw coming. And they aren't so much wrinkles as lines. Above my top lip. Anyone else have these? They are lines that run horizontal above my top lip. And they wouldn't be so noticeable except my lipstick bleeds into them. I read that using lip liner would stop the color from bleeding up into the lines. It didn't work for me. So then I bought a lip primer. It works a little...but not great. So if you see me with red lipstick on and you suddenly think I may have a slight nose bleed...my nose isn't bleeding. It's the red lipstick bleeding into my lines all the way up to my nose. It's humiliating. I thought only smokers got those lines. Wrong.
2). Vision. I used to have perfect vision. Now I can't see anything without my glasses on. And contact lenses? Forget about it. Because old age also brought along with it a condition known as chronic dry eye. So contacts turn to paper mache and feel like sand in my eye...no matter how many eye drops I use.
3). Chin hair. Yes, chin hair. I could probably join some circus side show as a bearded lady. Where did this hair come from! No one warned me about this as a youngster. Chin hair is a very real problem. I swear to you that I can have no chin hair in the morning and by the afternoon have some hairs that are two inches long. I keep tweezers in the console of my car so that I can pluck away while I'm sitting there in the natural light (because chin hair shows up best in natural light). Some are so long that I don't even need to use a mirror to see them! And my fear is that when I have surgery on my hands this weeks, I won't be able to operate tweezers for a few weeks. Do you know what I will look like by then?! Geez. My chain hairs will be able to signal low-flying planes. I'll be able to hang laundry from them. I'll be able to floss with them.
4). Weight. I always heard people say that it becomes harder to lose weight the older you get. I never really paid too much attention to that. Well, I should have. Because apparently my body is nice and comfy with its extra layers of fluff and doesn't want to give them up. Of course, the Funyuns I ate for lunch play a role. And so do the pancakes I ate for breakfast. I don't want to eat like a responsible adult. I want to eat like a college kid. But every time I get on the scale it groans and coughs and sputters. Shedding pounds is the hardest, most frustrating thing there is.
5). Incontinence. Yeah, I went there. And no, I don't just randomly pee on myself. But if you make me laugh too hard or if I sneeze too hard, it could happen. A couple of months ago I was sitting at work when a huge sneeze crept up on me. I text my best friend and another close friend who were both just down the hall "well, I just peed on myself". Hey, it happens. I say if it happens to you, it's best to just own it.
6). Joint pain. I hurt. Everyday. And I'm probably going to finally get brave and have my knees replaced this fall. I've been putting if off for years. But, I fell last Friday and it made me realize that I couldn't keep putting it off. And speaking of falling, you know all those "I've fallen and I can't get up commercials" we have all been making fun of for 25 years? Well, it turns out that sometimes you do fall and you can't get up. So this is my shout out to the invention of cell phones and my sister...both of which are the reason why I'm not still laying in my bedroom floor crying.
The age of 39 is creeping up on me. I can't believe I will be 40 next year. Wow. It feels so weird to even type that. I'm sure my 40-year-old chin hairs will be much thicker and coarser and longer than my 38-year-old chin hairs.
But...there is always wine! :)
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