1. My parents. I am thankful for parents that love me unconditionally and always have my back. I am thankful that they stand right beside my sister and I even when times get rough (and this year between the two of us, we quite literally took them on a little journey to hell and back). I am thankful that they have allowed my sister and I to once again infiltrate their home like we did as teenagers (though this time we aren't using a can of AquaNet a day and ruining their walls from the hairspray build-up). I know that they probably miss some of their peace and quiet…..but I’m thankful that their door is always open.
2. My sister. What can I say? She is my best friend. Period. We can kill each other, love each other, be best friends and worst enemies all within the span of 15 minutes. Just because we are sisters. I do, however, owe her a public apology for putting her on display in the emergency room when she had kidney stones a couple of weeks ago. You are right, it was not kindergarten show & tell and I shouldn't have made the door to your room a revolving one. Just be thankful you had on a nice bra and colorful panties (you know, since everyone DID see them thanks to the party environment I created while you were puking). If I am ever stricken with a kidney stone, I'll allow you to put me on display. :)
3. My friends. My friends have carried me through most of 2012. To all of you, you know who you are, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Here’s hoping that 2013 and the age of 36 will be much kinder. To all of us. We’ll drink to it. I have box wine now, remember?
4. I am thankful for 17 years of marriage. See #5.
5. I am thankful for divorce. See #4.
6. My nieces. They will always be my sweet baby girls no matter how old and sassy they get. And right now, a particular 10-year-old could use a muzzle most of the time. I've no idea where she gets that from. ;)
7. My health. Except for the current disease I have been stricken with.....tuberculosis, H1N1, pneumonia, whatever. It sucks. I believe I have actually heard angels singing and seen strange lights more than once during my diseased state.....
8. Wine. Box wine...bottle wine...expensive wine...cheap wine...white wine...blush wine...red wine. WINE.
9. Losing Lily in the divorce. I am free, free, FREE. I do love her and miss her. And I will get some visitation. Supervised, I'm sure. We all remember the unfortunate doggy Valium overdose.
10. My job. I mean....I have to make money, right? And when Obamacare puts me out of a job, I am considering going to back to my previous position as an exotic dancer. Ok, lets face it, there is nothing exotic about me. Lets just call it what it is....a stripper. I will go back to stripping..... ;). Well, that or just mooching off the government. Food stamps and Obamaphone, anyone? (FYI, I have never taken my clothes off for money. I always do that for free).
11. Finally giving up my addiction to artificial sweeteners. Whew....this was a doozy. Especially considering aspartame and anything related to it was my crack. I think I could literally have snorted packs of Sweet & Low up my nose. I am thankful that I am off the "junk". It may not sound like much....but this was a huge accomplishment for me. I swear I actually had the shakes coming off the stuff. I certainly feel better for getting that icky stuff out of my system. But, oh Dt Coke....how I miss you......
12. Blankie. Now I know you all thought this would be #1. And it technically probably should be. But the problem with that is I would have to cut and paste and renumber and, well, you get the picture. Let's face it, I'm too lazy and it's just not going to happen. And for those of you who believe blankie to be wanted by the CDC, he isn't. And, no Brandie, I will not develop mesothelioma from blankie.
13. Sonic unsweet tea. Move over, Dt Coke. There is a new addiction in town.
14. Xanax. In Amyland it grows on trees and I just pick it like apples. Only here, in my land, the "fruit" is never out of season. Can I make a pie with this stuff?
15. Any and every Apple product (RIP Steve Jobs), fried foods, crayons, cupcakes and glitter. I realize none of those things belong in the same sentence. See #14.
16. Botox. Because without it, the line in the my forehead would grow increasingly worse each and everyday. Forehead cleavage......never a pretty thing.
17. Push-up bras. Yep, all girls love a good push-up bra. I accidentally wore one to work one day last week and my boobs were spectacular all day long. It was definitely a good boob day....even under scrubs.
18. I am thankful that I broke the couch AFTER I agreed to let it go in the divorce. Because if I had broken it before, I would be leaving with a very pretty but very uncomfortable couch. (dont ask....)
19. Seatbelts. For without them, I would be ejected from my vehicle on a regular basis.
20. Sunscreen. Being a vampire in a world where I must endure the horrible effects of the sun on my porcelain skin is dangerous. People joke and say that I eat sunscreen. Sadly, they aren't far off in that assumption. A day without sunscreen and I'd be in the burn unit at Vandy. Sunscreen is one of my true loves.
21. Sephora. Being this well put together doesn't just happen. ;)
22. Spanx. It took me a few years to jump on board with Spanx, but now that I have there is no turning back. I am hiding all kinds of shit with this stuff! You think you still see a lot? Just think about everything you are not seeing and thank your lucky stars! The fact that I have discovered Spanx should be on everyone elses thankfulness list! Spanx is like a Ninja for fat!!
23. Full-service gas stations. Because everyone knows I hate pumping my own gas. Is it sad that the men who pump gas at the two on the boulevard know my name?
24. Anderson Cooper. Now that I'm single, his wait is over. And the fact that he came out of the closet this year means nothing. He was only gay while he couldn't have me. Now that I'm available, his dreams will come true. See #14.
25. Novocaine. I had a lot of dental work this year. I'd love to meet the inventor of that stuff and kiss them right on the mouth!
26. Sarcasm. Because sometimes it's the only thing that truly makes me smile. :)
27. I am thankful that I FINALLY learned how to make an edible grilled cheese. After consulting my parents, many friends and the Internet, I can finally make a grilled cheese sandwich. Move over, Top Chef! 28. Google. Hey, realistically who could survive without google? I can't make it through a single day without googling something! Need a recipe? Google it. Need to know how to spell a word? Google it. Need to know if your leg is indeed broken? Google it. Need a good divorce attorney? Google it. I'll stop now....you get the picture.
29. I am thankful for me. I am thankful that I am happy with me. I am flawed.......I can't sing, but sing to people all day anyway. I can't dance, but I dance anyway. I laugh too loud. I am a little bit bitchy. Sometimes I'm moody. I always have a sarcastic answer/comment for everything. I am always going to be a just little bit fat. But at the end of the day, I'd give you the shirt off my back and I truly love everyone. Sometimes it takes a long time for a person to be happy in their own skin. I am thankful that I am finally happy in mine. :)
30. Happy Endings. I haven't had my happy ending yet. But it's out there. I am thankful for it....it'll come one day. :)
I am, of course, thankful for every single thing in my life. From the big things to the teeny tiny little things. I read all my friends "thankfulness" posts on facebook during November. They were all beautifully written and I am thankful for the same things you are thankful for. I just can not be that serious or deep. But I am thankful for everything from the country I live in to the roof over my head. I'm also thankful that it is almost 2013.....because, quite frankly, this year was just ugly. Next year WILL be better! So for now, my motto in life is described perfectly in the picture below. :)
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