Be Careful Little Mouth What You Say...........

I am going to attempt to do something once again that I don't do well.......write about a serious topic, or at least one that isn't smiles and giggles.  So if I jump around a lot or at times don't seem to hold a consistent thought and don't make a lot of sense, my apologies. 

“The language we use to communicate with one another is like a knife. In the hands of a careful and skilled surgeon, a knife can work to do great good. But in the hands of a careless or ignorant person, a knife can cause great harm.  Exactly as it is with our words.”

 I had the recent unfortunate experience of feeling humiliated.  Certainly, we have all felt this way.  But I tend to think the older we get, the less we run into ignorant/malicious people.  For some reason I associate this sort-of behaviour with teenagers.....not adults. 

I was at an appointment on Friday....having a private conversation with a friend.  We were discussing breast reduction surgery and kind-of joking about it.  Everyone knows I have been blessed in the breast department....this obviously isn't a secret....and I am not considering surgery.  I always joke about my breast size.  But that is irrelevant.  I had noticed an older lady in the room that seemed familiar to me but I couldn't quite place her.  She was talking a lot.  But she mostly stood out because I could tell she was in her late 60's at least but had had so much plastic surgery that her face didn't move and her skin looked like it was pulled too tight......very odd looking....and she seeemed very vain.  In the middle of my conversation with my friend, this older lady interrupted to ask where I worked.  I told her I worked at the hospital......she told me she was a volunteer there and worked in the gift shop.  I told her that she looked familiar to me and that explained where I knew her from.  She then told me "there are so many of you heavy girls around the hospital that I can't keep you all straight".  I was a little stunned but was going to try and ignore the comment.  That's when the situation went from bad to worse.  She told me that she knew at least 10 girls that worked at the hospital that had already had or were about to have LAP-BAND surgery and that she knew the hospital was offering the employees a discount (yeah, right..ha!) and that I should really check into it.  I actually couldn't believe what I was hearing......I couldn't believe some stranger would have the nerve to say such a thing to me in such a public setting in front of other people.  She proceeded to go on and on about how I should seriously check into the surgery, about how it would be a great thing for me, about how I would certainly feel better and look better.  She told me it was a great opportunity and that I should check into it as soon as possible.  I know my face must have been at least a dozen shades of red and so I just kept looking down.....I was too mortified to look up.  My friend, who was about to explode by this time, told the lady that we were talking about breast reduction surgery and not weight loss surgery.  The women made it clear that she was aware what we were talking about but still thought the LAP-BAND surgery would be an excellent opportunity for me and I should check into it ASAP.  When I say that was the longest five minutes of my life......I'm not joking.  It literally seemed like time stood still and this woman talked forever.  When she FINALLY left the building, I looked up for the first time since the verbal beat-down started and asked my friend "so did she basically just call me a fat ass and tell me to have weight loss surgery".  Now I know that woman had to have been a little "off her rocker".....at least I have to think that, because I can't imagine any other reason why someone would say something like that to a stranger....or anyone for that matter.  If I hadn't been so stunned and embarrassed, I would have told her "I actually have a malignant glandular tumor, am swollen from the steroids I am taking and have 6 months to live".  But I know that wouldn't have made me any better than her.  I am not a skinny girl.  I never have been.....I never will be.  It just isn't my body type.  But I never thought I was so grotesquely fat that I would elicit that type of response from a complete stranger.  I have dealt with body issues just like every other female....probably more.  I have been bulimic.  Yes, that is hard to admit to an audience that I can't see.  I know what it's like to war with who you see in the mirror.  I know what it's like to make yourself throw up 3-8 times a day, every single day.  I know what it's like to be hospitalized and have surgery from too much vomiting.  I know what it's like to have problems with your teeth because of all the stomach acid.  I will always have bad teeth.....I will always take medicine for my esophagus and stomach daily.....but I did overcome bulimia a long time ago.  My late 20's were a bad time.....but there definitely was a light at the end of the tunnel and I am now a stronger person.  So this ignorant, evil old woman?  Well......she could have easily derailed someone like me.  And I'd be lying if I said that those words haven't plagued me and been on replay in my head all weekend.  But I am stronger than that....I am above her ignorance....and I am okay with me.  It took me a very long time to be able to say that so I'll say it again..............I'M OKAY WITH ME. 

So here is the point to my little story......as the children's song goes.....be careful little mouth what you say.  I know that most people don't say anything so obviously cruel to anyone.  But you have to be careful.  Human beings can definitely be delicate emotionally....especially women and young girls, thanks to the society we live in.  You never know how someone feels on the inside.  No one would have ever looked at me a decade ago and thought "wow...she hates herself and throws up a lot".  All people saw was smiling, joking, laughing, sarcastic Amy.  You can't see inside someone.  Everyone has their own set of struggles.  And you never know if your words could be the ones that push someone over the edge.

Now......on to my next topic.  And I am going to hop on my soapbox for a minute on this one.  Gossip. 

"Gossip needn't be false to be evil - there's a lot of truth that shouldn't be passed around."

“We may have the right to gossip under the First Amendment,but exercising this right is wrong – and inconsistent with the spirit of the Ninth Commandment: ‘You shall not bear false witness.’”

Everyone says they hate gossip.....yet everyone gossips at some time or another.  No, no one has been gossiping about me (that I know of, lol).  But I have been around so many people lately that do nothing but gossip.  Some people I know wake up in the morning gossiping.  It's ridiculous.  Why?  What's the point?  To be honest, I have enough problems of my own and a hard enough time keeping myself straight that I could not possibly care any less who is doing what....especially people that I don't even know.  And this all goes back to what I said earlier......you never know when you are going to say something about someone that is going to be their last straw and push them over the edge.  It really isn't hard to keep your mouth shut.  There are millions of things to talk about that don't involve gossip and slander.  I have found that I've had to distance myself from people lately in an effort to avoid gossip.  I know I have had a lot of friends ask other friends why I have been staying to myself more.  Well....it's really just this simple.....I don't care who is getting married and who is getting divorced.....I don't care who is cheating.....I don't care whose kid did something bad.....I don't want to hear who has gained weight and who has lost weight.....I don't analyze how much money someone else makes and I certainly don't care what people spend their money on.....I am in no position to critique anyones parenting skills.....I just don't care.  Because here is the thing........taking care of Amy is a full-time job.  And I don't mean that to sound selfish because I am the least selfish person on this planet.  I just feel there comes a time in everyones life where you have to make a decision to surround yourself with people who bring you up.....and shy away from the ones that bring you down.  Meaningless gossip brings me down.  Do I think I am better than people who thrive on gossip?  Nope.  I'm not better than anyone.  I'm definitely not perfect.  I'm a work in progress everyday.  I just know that at the end of the day, I have to answer to myself and for myself and I have to be happy with the person that I am.  And if I was responsible for speaking negative things about others to everyone constantly, I sure wouldn't be happy with who I saw staring back at me in the mirror.  I spent several months thinking I was alone in feeling this way, but I've had many people come to me recently talking about how sick they have become of hearing other people gossip.  It's an epidemic more dangerous than any disease. 

I apologize if this has been rambling and confusing.  If you take nothing else away, just remember this little song from Sunday school........

O be careful little eyes what you see
O be careful little eyes what you see
There's a Father up above
And He's looking down in love
So, be careful little eyes what you see

O be careful little ears what you hear
O be careful little ears what you hear
There's a Father up above
And He's looking down in love
So, be careful little ears what you hear

O be careful little hands what you do
O be careful little hands what you do
There's a Father up above
And He's looking down in love
So, be careful little hands what you do

O be careful little feet where you go
O be careful little feet where you go
There's a Father up above
And He's looking down in love
So, be careful little feet where you go

O be careful little mouth what you say
O be careful little mouth what you say
There's a Father up above
And He's looking down in love
So, be careful little mouth what you say