I've never been one for new year's resolutions. Let's face it, no one ever sticks to them. That makes them a total and complete waste of time and energy. I've decided to list my truths for 2012. Not resolutions that I won't stick with....but the cold hard facts of what will actually occur in the world of this smarty pants.
Here we go.....
1) I will not lose weight. Ok, to be fair to myself, I will in fact lose a few pounds here and there....only to gain them back within a month along with a couple more pounds...you know, as a bonus. I would like to think that I will be in a size 6 by 2013....but reality states that it just won't happen. Sooooo....I'll eat guacamole and drink wine in abundance. And be happy as a lark.
2) I won't improve my attitude. Look, I've tried before. I just can't do it. I am a smart ass. I've decided that it must be in my blood. My DNA. I don't try to fight it anymore. I just go with it.
3) I will continue to exercise. But I will not get "ripped". There will be no six-pack...so please don't confuse me with my sister. I will stick with yoga...she can run the marathons. For more information, see #1.
4) I will procrastinate, be arrogant, throw tantrums, be a drama queen, cry at the drop of a hat, and wear my feelings on my sleeve. Because I'm a girl...and we are just that crazy. See hormones.
5) I will continue to pick fights. Just because I believe arguing is an art form in the proper setting, under the right conditions. Look out, world.
6) I will continue to lie to my friends and my family with a straight face. Yes, I know you all know by now that I am lying when I tell you something outlandish. Things come to my mind so quickly that it is a shame not speak them. Humor me.
7) My driving will not improve. And I will not clean my car myself.
8) I will continue to give the volunteer firefighters next door absolute hell for anything that I deem annoying (which happens to be everything they do). And for the record, I started this off at exactly midnight on New Year's Eve when they decided it would be clever to sound the warning sirens in celebration of a new year...big mistake, losers. Big mistake. Retaliation imminent. See #2.
9) I will continue to be completely eccentric. And random. I will continue to have the wardrobe of a drag queen. Or, prostitute, as my husband says. I will spend ridiculous amounts of money on accessories that are glittery and large. I will wear big flowers in my hair, floral scarfs around my neck, shiny jewelry, and sparkly shoes. Yet, I will also be the one friend of the group to show up for dinner wearing yoga pants and tennis shoes while everyone else is looking their cutest. Because I just don't care.
10) I will continue to read books when I should be cleaning house, lay in bed when I should be getting up, talk when I should keep my mouth shut, eat chips when I should be eating veggies, work when I should take a day off, and flip the heck out when I should stop and breathe.
11) I will continue to throw away pots and pans instead of soaking them and trying to scrub them clean when I burn something. And I will continue to throw away white socks and buy new ones instead of just trying to match the ones I have.
12) I will continue to have detailed conversations with random strangers. Homeless, successful, sane, insane, male, female...makes no difference. Just for you, Brandie.
13) I will continue to wear long sleeves, big floppy hats, sunglasses, and a layer of sunscreen so thick that you can write your name in it whenever I am outdoors. Hey, I am not trying to wrinkle this paper white skin.
14) I will continue to wage war on any wrinkles that even think about taking up residence on my face. I will continue to experiment with chemical peels and botox and anything else that promises to keep me young for as long as possible. Why? I don't know. I'm really not vain. To answer this question, see #4.
15) Last, but not least, I will continue to sleep with my childhood "blankie" every night. 2012 will not be the year I give "him" up. It's just not gonna happen, folks. He will continue to avoid the washing machine at all costs for fear of his ultimate demise. I will continue to have pieces of him sewn back on when they fall off. I will continue to carry him on planes in my purse. I will continue to hug him to me every night like a 5-year-old girl. I will continue to take pictures of him in unique places and post them to facebook for your viewing pleasure. And I will not be shamed by this.
So there you have it...my truths for 2012. I wish I was a resolution kinda girl....but I'm just not. And to start my attitude off right for the year, the truck came today to take the trash. And when they left we had no trash can. So after my husband chased them down to ask them what happened to our trash can, they informed him that they "accidentally" crushed it. Ummmmm....what?! You accidentally threw our whole trash can into the trash compactor in the truck and just drove off and weren't gonna tell us?! This means war Freedom Waste Services. This means war (see #2).
Peace, love, and Happy 2012 :)
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