I Am Not A Bully, But....

I hate bullies. I am not a bully. Never have been....er, not really. Mean girl sometimes? Yes. Bully? No. So my new preoccupation with screwing with a coworkers mind concerns me slightly. You ever meet someone that seems to exist for the sole purpose of driving you insane? If so, then you know what I'm dealing with. Now, I could be the bigger person and just ignore this person completely. In fact, that is exactly what I SHOULD do. I should be taking the high road like any normal, respectable adult. But I can't seem to do this. I have a radar that goes off whenever this person is within so many feet of me, I'm convinced of it. And I'm pretty sure she has some tiny little bow that she uses to fiddle on my nerves....a voodoo practice of sorts. I try to get in my own little zone during my workday and ignore this person. But before I know it, she asks me a stupid, nosy question or she sneezes and I completely lose all focus at my attempt to ignore. I blame my mind for most of this problem. I don't know why my mind works so fast. I don't know why I seem to have a gift when it comes to sarcasm. I can't help being quick witted. So every little thing she does elicits some completely negative response from me. And truth be told, shouldn't she be held responsible for provoking me...even though she is not aware that she is slowly causing me to need the assistance of a straight jacket? Smarting off to her has been unacceptable as has yelling, asking if she's stupid, asking if she's deaf, pouring all manner of liquids on any surface she may touch in order to gross her out and watch her freak completely out, telling her she needs a man in her life or at least a toy...the list goes on and on, and I assure you makes me look more and more despicable. So today's evil deed seems relatively mild in comparison to some of the things I've done and said to her in the last couple of months....I intentionally locked her out of her office. Only for a few minutes. But here's the thing, most of the time when I say something hideous to her or cast my evil spell, it isn't premeditated. I speak/act before I think. But today I actually plotted out my sin. Okay, it did occur to me rather quickly and I knew I only had a few minutes to act to pull it off. But I actually put thought into it and KNEW that it was juvenile and stupid and mean and wrong. And I did it anyway.  And then I waltzed back into the hall, put my hand over my mouth in mock surprise, and said, "Omg!  Did I lock you out?!  I had no idea you didn't have your key with you.  I'm so sorry!"  Yep, I seriously A) Premeditated my crime against her B) Knew it was childish and mean C) Did it anyway and D) Innocently apologized for said crime.  And no, I am not proud.  Quite the opposite, actually.  What the heck is wrong with me?!  Starting Monday morning when I get to work, I will try my best to be the adult I know I can be.  And I know that putting all this down in writing will make me more likely to stick to the niceness contract I have made with myself. 

Well....I say I am going to stick with being nice.  But my husband just called my blog "Diary Of A Dumb Ass".  I am currently premeditating my next evil move against him.  Hey, nobody is perfect.